April is the Coolest Month

originally posted on 5/1/07

I am on fucking fire. These days, I walk into the bar like I own it, and more often then not, I do. This month I've done things that I'll talk about for the rest of my life, and that other people will talk about for the rest of theirs. I may no be truly immortal or bulletproof, but I'm pretty fucking close.

Let me back up. April was supposed to be a sandwich month. My dad was here in March, Wiley is coming in May, and I sent the majority of my paycheck home to pay the old credit card, so I was pretty much broke all month. After Dad's visit, I had a couple new books, a new video game, and some new DVDs. I was 100% prepared to lay low in my apartment.

So what happened? Turned out I ate a lot of peanut butter sandwiches and ramen (sometimes even in the same meal) so I could spend maybe 80% of my remaining money going out. And, through brilliant and creative budgeting, it all worked. I went out in Itaewon and Hongdae multiple times each, along with Gangnam and Hyehwa to boot, all while solidifying my growing "institution" role at Dragon Bar, a fairly boring local place but still head and shoulders the best bar in the hood.

I went to a baseball game. I climbed a mountain (to the top this time). I've written more than I have in forever (self evident, I guess). I've taken up darts. I've played chess for the first time in years. I've read three books, though I am still slowly slogging through Crime and Punishment. I've made a new Korean buddy, and ran into an old one I haven't seen since October. I've studied a little Korean (ass is undongi, which I find sensible) though not enough. And I've hardly touched my new video game in weeks.

So, you're saying to yourself, good for you Todd, so you're writing and drinking and playing chess. What else is new? What about the ladies? Same old Todd, right?

Not exactly. In April's opening weekend, involving a punk rock show in Hongdae and getting Lawrence-in-2002-level silly plastered, I spent the latter part of the night speaking in a Borat accent and hitting on any girl that came within five feet of me. The next weekend was the aforementioned baseball game, where the only girls I talked to were-the-cheerleaders. The third weekend was epic. It may not be my all time top weekend, but it's in the conversation, and undoubtedly in the top five.

As I've said before, this is a family blog, literally, since most of my family reads it. I'll say this – I danced in the club with this girl for much of the night. At some point, my buddy Don said "Dude, that girl is out of your league."

I replied, "Don, what's the first thing I ever told you about me and baseball? I'm a Royals fan. I may not always win, but I play in the major leagues exclusively." And you know what? Sometimes, the Royals beat the Yankees. And sometimes, this night for example, I find myself in a hastily-put-together and contrived love triangle involving myself, a beautiful Korean girl, and some white dude twice my size. And sometimes, like this night, I threaten and intimidate said gorilla to the point he backs off and I win over the girl all at the same time.

Of course, like in all great nights, I couldn't have worked alone, quality wing manning was necessary. To this end, I credit my buddy Don, but beyond this, I proved a scant 6 days later that the world has produced few better wingmen than your humble narrator. I was, in fact, beyond wingman, almost to puppet-master proportions. I met the girl, I introduced her to Don, I got them talking, I left the area to play darts with a girl I wasn't interested in and to provide logistical support, and I went back to the table to further sell the girl on Don later on. And, in an ingenious move, when it seemed Don definitely had the girl, I surreptitiously grabbed Don's phone to call myself, then answered my phone and pretended I was being called away. Rappers say pimpin' ain't easy. Horseshit. Darts ain't easy. Chess ain't easy (though I am 4-0 on my comeback tour.) Pimpin' is fucking simple.

So, things aren't awful with the ladies. I actually made a self-deprecating joke about my anti-abilities there the other night, and it felt forced and dishonest. This is strange, as self-deprecating jokes about my lack of game has been my bread and butter for the last twenty years or so.

Things aren't perfect, of course. Is there a girl I like-like now? Well, I reckon there is. Has anything happened there? Absolutely not. But at the same time, while nothing has happened to indicate she likes me, more importantly, nothing has happened to indicate she doesn't. I used to think she was out of my league. Now, I'm learning to see leagues a little differently. Go Royals!