"The Wiley Blog" and other Housekeeping Things

originally posted on 6/30/07

I know the title's a little weak, but I've long promised the "Wiley Blog" to some people.

It's been a long time. I know that. And really, I get more nervous about this shit each day, as the longer it gets that I don't write anything, the better the next thing I write should be. Well, let me warn you right now. this blog is going to blow. The next one will rock much harder, but this one is more about getting back on the horse than anything. so, skip it. Wait for the next one. Spend your time reading Bill Simmons's running diary of the NHL draft at espn.com. It has tons of good Canadian jokes, and is much more worth your time than this will be. I'd even link to it, but, you know, that would require computer savvy, and more importantly, effort.

Still with me? Don't say I didn't warn you. I suppose the fact that I haven't written in a grip (perhaps for so long that the last time I wrote, people still said "in a grip") requires some sort of state of the union statement. Well, uh, things are okay. Wiley was in town, so I didn't write anything then as we were too busy going to bars and beating mega man 4. Then, ii fell mildly ill, and didn't drink for a couple weeks, and no drinking = no writing. Also, my former computer finished it's long death (it had clearly been on its way out since April, and had been in decline since 2003) so I had no means to write. I bought a kickass new Macbook last week, which means i can now use a computer like a normal person (no more 47 minute waits to turn the machine on, no more youtube crashing my system) as well as returning me to my comfortable womb of credit card debt. Hell, what's the point of having a 30 or 40 million dollar line of credit if you're not going to buy some cool shit?

So, I can't see what else to do here but give a few random anecdotes or musings regarding Wiley's visit to Korea. That, and maybe some chat about girl shit, like always, though I think that will come later.

Wiley's trip was a blast. We ate galbi (Korean bbq) a few times, and I had him eat Korean food as often as possible. He ate like a champ, really, even boldly trying the silkworm larvae. Don't get the wrong idea, the Korean diet doesn't generally consist of bugs, but it was a side dish at one dinner, and Wiley ate one after only 2 beers. We also drank in front of numerous convenience stores, as is the custom here, hit a couple museums and palaces, and went boozing on my block, in Nowon, in Suyu, in Itaewon, in Hongdae, and in Hyehwa. We climbed a mountain, went to a baseball game, and revived our winning karaoke team for the first time since 2002. I also saw to it that A-dub met lots of girls, thought the results of said meetings aren't my stories, so I won't tell them.

Random funny notes: Wiley's attempts to talk to Korean shopkeepers and other service workers with a standard American accent, like it was a Lawrence Kwik Shop. I don't know why, but this was funny. "Yeah, I'll take a pack of Menthols." I'd have to say "ray-son pa-reshy, joo say yo" or something along those lines. Even at Mc D - "can i get a Big Mac meal?" No, you have to say "big-a mac-a set-a." Konglish, which I've become pretty damn fluent in.

Speaking of Konglish, while Wiley and Don and I were climbing a mountain, we saw a gorgeous girl with the funniest shirt ever. The front said "Hamberger friend" and had a picture of a burger on it. on the back, it said "Hamberger friend - I feel happiness when I eat a him."

Wiley and I went to a rock show in Itaewon, a band called Faded that I've written of before, and as per always, they put on a kickass show. In between sets, a fat white girl came up to me and said "Don't I know you from somewhere?" "Probably," I said, " I get around quite a bit." "That's not a good thing to say," she said, and left. Which, really, was fine by me, as I didn't want to talk to her to begin with. Here's the thing - of the white girls here, maybe 73% of them fall below the attractiveness threshold of girls that I would talk to back home, and of the remaining 27% that fall in the "presentable" to "hot" range, 86% or so are unbearable boring. basically, that means that only 3.7% or so of the western girls here have the potential for a 5 minute conversation, of of those girls, 98% know how rare they are and are totally conceited, and thus not worth talking to either. Basically, this means, at any given time, in the city of Seoul (10 million people) there are between 30 and 32 western girls worth talking to.

Speaking of girls, I should talk about the girl I've spoken of in a couple other stories. She's probably worthy of her own blog, but I'll throw in a couple notes in passing before I finish. This is the girl I brought up in the Dragon Bar blog and in a couple others before. I gotta say, no other character in this blog has elicited such a polarized response. Then again, no other character in this blog has been such a character. Basically, I cannot satisfy either camp regarding this girl right now. For those who say, she's crazy, move on, forget her, I can say - you are right, and also, I haven't exactly. as she kind of continues to hang around. For those who say, she's hot, go after her, what else are you doing anyway?, well, you're also right. but I certainly haven't been diligently pursuing her, and often go weeks without seeing her at all. I had a better analogy to use regarding this yesterday, but sadly I've forgotten this.

I told you to skip this blog. The next one will be better, I swear.