People I can do Without

originally posted on 9/20/07

(with apologies to George Carlin for the title)

I saw a guy in Bangkok, a cliche backpacker walking around with clothes that it looked like he made himself. He looked like an asshole. Worst of all, he was carrying a diggery-do. What the fuck? You can’t buy those in Thailand, and he clearly wasn’t Thai, which means he’s actually carrying a fucking diggery-do around with him on his trip. A loud six foot long wooden instrument that cannot possibly have any practical value other than to let people see that he has a diggery-do. It reminded me how much I hate people. So, here’s who I can do without at the moment:

-Diggery-do guy

-Anybody who is not in fact an Aborigine that owns a diggery-do, or at least anyone that takes it out of their house.

-White guys with dreadlocks

-Asian guys with dreadlocks

-Girls with dreadlocks. Sorry Megan, but this is just a bad look.

-Really, anybody with dreadlocks that isn’t an ethnic Rastafarian Jamaican.

-Any guy over the age of 11 that wears a tank top, wife beater, or sleeveless shirt of any kind.

-soccer. As mentioned before at Myspace.

- Canadian rugby fans. Look, Canada, I thought we had a deal. When away from North America, you guys stick to real sports, and don’t fall into the “international” (i.e. British) sports scene of soccer, rugby, cricket, and other crap like that. I saw a bar full of Canadians watching rugby the other day, and I was horrified. Listen, Canada, you stay away from the bullshit British sports, and we won’t fold the NHL. Deal?

- Creative arty types. This could fall in with the diggery-do guy department. Not all creative arty types, mind you, just most of them. The ones who subsribe to the bullshit “artist” lifestyle. The most creative, artistic people I know deliver pizzas, work construction, drive busses, sling phones, or tend bar. Plus, they are capable of carrying on a long conversation about sports, and can drink copious amounts of cheap beer.

-People that dress like idiots. 99.9% of people in the world fall within a normal enough range of dress that they don’t look like assholes, and are pleasingly instantly forgetable. Well, that .01% of the population has to be “different.” Every now and again, it works, but only for certain people. When David Beckham wore a sarong, it was somehow acceptable. When some 45 year old balding asshole in a tie died shirt does it, it’s stupid. By and large, people should think about looking in a mirror before leaving their house.

-Anybody that wears a bandana that is not a pirate or an old west bank robber. This includes everybody.

-Fully ambulatory people that take an elevator up 1 floor, or down anything fewer than 7.

-Sports scandals and the ensuing coverage. Look, I don’t even live in the U.S. right now and can’t watch football here, and I’m sick to death of the “spygate” Patriots scandal. I don’t believe it effected the games, and I don’t care. Here’s what else I don’t care about - Barry Bonds. And though I’m clearly in the anti-Vick camp given the nastiness of dog fighting, at this point I would certainly enjoy watching one of Vick’s feistier dogs rip ESPN.com’s Gene Wojciechowski’s face off. In fact, I think I would enjoy that at any point.