Cheap Suit

originally posted on 7/4/07

Ah, the joys of a new computer that actually works. I'm outside the apartment, the first time I've used this for its standard laptop purposes (you know, like portability). I'm at a table at a convenience store. The tables are filthy, of course, so I needed to put something under the computer. The only book that I own that is large enough is my road atlas, so I figured the part facing the table should be a map page that I will never have any use for pondering. logically, I chose Vermont.

A brief dragon bar story from last weekend - I went with my buddy Don, and we sat down next to two girls, each with pretty limited English skills (though considerably less limited than my Korean). We strike up a conversation with them. Turns out one of them is a kindergarten teacher, and is dressed somewhat accordingly. The other is some form of model, and wearing a short skirt. Naturally, we are both more interested in the "model," though both are cute (but certainly not in the same league as the crazy girl that I occasionally date) so we decided to leave it up to the girls and take cues from them. As we were sitting at the bar, and being that the seating went model-teacher-don-me, it seemed to only make sense to move elsewhere.

We should ask them to move to a table - I say

Good idea - Don retorts.

We should ask them to play darts instead, I say.

Better idea.

We hit the darts area, and try to decide teams. Within seconds of moving from the bar stools, the kindergarten teacher acts flirty toward me, so I team up with her. Before the first round of throwing is finished, she's high fiving me, hugging me, yada yada. By the fourth round of throwing or so, the model is still showing no interest in my buddy, but the kindergarten teacher is all over me like a cheap suit. Holding hands, hanging on me, blah blah blah. At around this time, a co-worker/semi-boss of mine shows up at the bar. At one point, while the k-teacher is throwing (overhand style, darts spinning like a dagger, but hitting more often than one would think) he asks me - is this your girlfriend?

No, I met her like half an hour ago.

After the darts game is over, the girls are preparing to leave. I go up and talk to them, ask them for their phone numbers (and get them both) and then suggest, if they are leaving, maybe we should go to a different bar.

No, the model (and better English speaker) says. We have to go home to see our husbands.

Admittedly, a funny punchline under most circumstances, but considerably funnier in a Confucian conservative culture. Lets just say the status quo conservative scale here regarding male-female interrelationships falls somewhere between Wichita and Saudi Arabia.

And yeah, I admit, 79% of the reason I wrote this was because it was a good excuse to use "all over me like a cheap suit."